Celebrating Womenhood: International Women’s Day

Today is International Women’s Day. A day, which was created in 1911 to commemorate the role that women play in society. You may wonder why we should be reminded of the role that women play in society. Is it not obvious that inequality is still prevalent in some areas of society? Women are known to receive less than their male counterpart for doing the same job. They are still a minority in management and the judicial system. Women tend to play the supportive role to their husbands, in the background, rather than the other way around – putting their ‘dreams’ on hold. Talking about responsibilities, how about the woman’s responsibility for her own wellbeing?

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“Men and Women are not the same”

Women and men are biologically different. They have different sex organs, and their thinking method has been proven to be different. Both men and women have the same hormones. Men have more testosterone and women more estrogen. These differences must be accepted and celebrated. But instead, we live in a society where if a woman is perceived to be strong, then she is considered and referred to as having ‘balls’. William Shakespeare in the Taming of the Shrew, points out that men always wanted to be dominant and thought that a strong women should be tamed.

“Things are not as fair as they appear”
Women now appear to have more choices than before. We are no longer depicted as staying at home, being a good wife, lover, mother and housekeeper. But this is not what it appears to be. At a recent talk that I did at a Ladies Night up in London, I spoke to some of the attendees and realized that there was a common theme amongst some women that they did not have the right to ‘dream’, and it was not in their role to step up and follow their dream. They all thought that they should play the roles of supportive partner, nurturer and provider. There is nothing wrong with that. However, they should understand that if they have the potential to do other things, and the time to do it, then they should go for it.

Age of the metrosexual man

metrosexual man
We live in the age of the metrosexual man. We live in the age where there are men who have moved away from the traditional thinking in terms of where women’s responsibilities should lie. We live in an age where a man will accept that his wife is the main breadwinner, or higher wage earner. We live in an age where a man may be a househusband. We live in an age where a man may accept the significance of a ‘feminine approach’ and outlook. We live in an age that despite a man at first being scared of what may seem to be an empowering woman, they are happy to support them. Yes, there may be some men who may not ‘act’ like that supportive man but I know supportive men. I saw this in my late father, who planted the seeds of me being a go-getter. I also see this in the network I have, where I have an awesome editor who reminds me to step into and embrace my empowerment. Women, we have come along a long way.

Lets celebrate and encourage awesomeness

We have the power these days with the speed of communication, to spread positive messages.

How do we promote and create more equality?

1. Its okay to embrace both ‘pretty’ but also embrace action toys. In society we tend to stereotype. Women are expected to be soft, pretty and sexy. But women can have their action.
2. Marry success. The characters of Jane Austin, always married men of position and money. Today, there are books on the market like ‘Smart Women Marry Rich’. My late grandmother always told my mother that women should be independent of men. This has proven to be correct because my mother is strong, successful and was the breadwinner of our family when my dad became ill.
3. Use sensuality, rather than looks. Sex sells but for too long women have been using their sexuality to get what they want. How many adverts do you see with men shaking their booties? Your sensuality is natural; there is nothing wrong with projecting that you are comfortable within your own skin.
4. Allow your dreams to come and be shared. We all have dreams, desires and passions. It is part of our makeup. We shouldn’t suppress them. We should share them and get the necessary support to make them happen.
5. Stop demonizing men. We allow, not give our power away. Blaming is shifting the responsibility. Over the decades women have had the courage to stand up, and open paths for other women. Often woman may say that it is their partners that are keeping them back. This is a cop out.
6. Use the power of collaboration. Both men and women can support each other. I work with both men and women. My editor is a man. He is one of my cheerleaders, who encourage me to go out there inspire and help other people become go-getters.
7. Appreciate both your feminine and masculine side. We need balance. We need to appreciate the duality of our masculine and feminine energy. I am intuitive and I set achievable goals. I am a go-getter.

On this day, lets celebrate our similarities and our differences. We must always have positive thoughts.

This article was inspired by my mum, the supportive men out there and the empowered women.

S.I.P (Single Important Person)

“You’re selfish, as you are always taking care of your needs first”. I heard this sentence being spoken to me and I did not react. I did not react in a negative way, which may have consisted of me getting either upset or defensive. I did not think that being ‘selfish’ or addressing my needs first was bad. This was different to my old story, where I did not fully grasp what the true meaning of self-love was. Back then I was not being loving to myself; and in turn the world was treating me a certain way. How it is good to have become a S.I.P (Single Important Person). You can act like a S.I.P as you are one.

Searching for Love

Love used to be about the relationships that I had. This would include the one that I had with my parents, the one with my siblings and other relatives, the one that I had with friends and love relationships. You may have noticed that there is a pattern here that in order to receive love, there was a need to rely on my external relationships. How it was something to seek from the outside world. Then to mention an addendum, “how do you sustain these external love relationships?” I thought this meant pleasing them, making me worthy of their love. It took some years to come to realize that there are no conditions with love. ‘Love love love’. We come from a place of love. This does not die, and it is always on your side. Babies are the best examples of this in how they choose to see love and be positive. They feel the love.

It starts from a place called self

Love starts from within. You may be a little confused at first by this statement. It really starts from within you. It was there long before you were formed. And it remains for eternity. It is that source of everlasting energy that cares for your wellbeing, wants you to be happy and accepts you for who you are. You may also describe this energy as love, the unseen force, God, or spirituality. It has no conditions.

Vibrations
You get more what you put out. Everything is vibrational. This includes how you allow others around you to treat you. Going back to my old ‘story’ where I would be searching for love, misunderstanding that love was unconditional, this caused an imbalance. I would find that I be ‘giving’ in excess, then having people wanting to take from me in excess. Question, have you been in a relationship where you felt that you were putting a lot of effort, and the other person did not seem to be outing the same input? Have you felt that you have not been treated right, or taken advantage of? This was a response to what you were vibrating out. You may not have realized this but you were sending out the signals, “I do not mind people taken more and more from me; and my needs are not that important”. As a result you continue to feel disappointed but what you perceive to be dealt the ‘short straw’.
“How do I get the balance?”You find balance firstly, when you remember that you are from love. How you can just be. Allow great things to enter into your life. How there are no conditions in living an abundant life. You need to vibrate this out, “that I allow all great things to come” How you must take care of your needs first before taking care of others. And when you want to help, do not do this to the detriment of yourself. Question: have you ever helped someone and felt emotionally drained afterwards or resentfulness? If yes, you were probably helping and doing this to your detriment.

[Tweet “”I allow all great things to come #SophiaWorldWisdom”]”]

 

Being a S.I.P

It is important to realize that you are from love. That you can receive great things and an element is to love yourself, take care of you and project out how you want to be treated fairly. There is nothing wrong with being a S.I.P

Listen to your heart

Often when I am making a decision, I will either use my [rational] mind or connect more with my emotional [heart] side. With both of these it can provide either the same answer, or opposing views. Recently, I was thinking about making decisions; as it came up in a personal reading I had with a psychic. They had picked upon how this was an area that can sometimes cause contention in my everyday life. This I could relate to, especially the conflict that would often arise where my heart will say one thing – and the feeling, would even be overwhelming sometimes – and on the other hand, there was the mind, being it’s apparent logical self.

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Why the struggle to listen to your heart?

The struggle to listen to one’s heart begins when you can no longer mute those external voices. These external voices take the form of belief systems, usually not ours, it can be ancestral and ones that may not have been questioned. It can be someone’s worldview on matters. It can also be our early influencers, like teachers and people we may have looked up to in society. How do you learn? From watching, observing,mimicking and exploring things.  As a child, it easier to mute voices out as you tend to come from the mindset that actually, “Yes, I can”.  It is that word cannot, that is later picked up. A word that may not really exist, but is man-made. Going back to a child, they describe how they naturally operate from the nature of an unconscious mind. (You can see an introductory video to this here). The unconscious mind can also be described as the place where we are more open to exploring possibilities, trusting in our inner guidance system; listening to our heart.  So how do we listen to our heart? And secondly, how do we learn to trust it?

 

“It’s all in the thinking”

The number one rule to changing something, is all about starting with the mind. In particular how we process thoughts and the approach we take in our thinking. At first, this change of perception may be difficult as this is how you have always done it. So it is more easier to become aware. Start questioning the beliefs.  Below are some examples of tackling beliefs and thoughts patterns, which may feel more rational in approach to following your heart.

 The struggle argument: “In order achieve great things, then there must have been a struggle along the way”

Firstly a struggle will usually not make your heart sing. It may instead cause an ache. The statement about the struggle has a dual aspect to it.  It is correct that when embarking on any journey, it is usual to occasionally arrive at some bumps in the road; or even a hurdle or two. The purpose each time is to discover from within, your inner power and resource. Have you heard of that expression, “You are never delivered more than you can bear”? This is often the case that with each challenge, your resolve, approach and attitude is being tested. The question is not why, but what are you meant to be discovering? How can you expand from the situation?You will discover when you take this approach that you will see the humour more and be more at ease; saying a sentence with tone “Oh, well”. The second part to this struggle argument is that great things come to you with ease. If it is not coming with ease, then your approach is not right. Question, have you experienced being in a vicious cycle? I raise my hand up and say yes. This has usually occurred when I have been repeating certain actions, over and over again. Actions I think that I should be doing. Should, usually indicates that it is not my initial thought.

Oulditist: Should of, could of would of

The singer Beverley Knight sang the song, ‘Shoulda Woulda Coulda’ In that song there is a lyric that goes: “Should I, would I could I are the last words of a fool” It may be harsh but those three words,which contains the letters ‘o.u.l.d’ can not be useful. My mother once said when I was writing a sentence, “Don’t use ‘could’ as it does not come across as confident in tone”. When using the word ‘should’ within a statement declaring an intention to fulfill an action, it too is not promising. Should suggests another person’s viewpoint; not yours. I am doing this since a person’s belief, world view indicates that it is the ‘right’ thing to do. To take a pause here, this is not to say that one should ‘ignore’ warnings that can prevent you from being in danger.

“I trust myself”

I trust myself, can easily have been rephrased with, “I believe in myself”. Often it is very clear what is the best way to step forward; and your heart will feel very at ease with the decision as it will just feel right. When you go against your heart sometimes, and follow what your supposedly rational mind is saying; or even someone else’s, it will not feel right. Your body that is very in tune with the heart, will start to react. This can manifest in forms of having headaches, or even feeling stomach ache. (Did you not notice how the symptoms end with an ‘ache’?)Remember the principle of things coming at ease? It applies here. But why do we not have trust, or even faith in our decisions. It can be the belief that we have within ourselves. We may be basing our decisions on past events; or even what stories we may have heard that are not ‘necessarily’ true. For example, how it is not possible to find love after 30.  Who said that you cannot? Or you can simply re-frame and say, “how can I make it happen”

 

Faith it, until you can make it: A tale of following your heart

Going back to my story, where I speak to the psychic to help get clarity. In one of her sentences, she reminded me that I ‘know’ what to do. How I am highly ‘intuitive’ and that lies my power.  You see, how the answers lie in my core – my heart. How did you listen to you] heart? It is by trusting it. Trusting that it always acts in your higher good. All you need to do is get silent, listen to how you feel. This exercise may be difficult at first to do. One tip: if a decision is feeling light, then it is usually a good indicator. If you are first scared, of going against what you ‘should do’; take a breath. Remember that you have the power, and are the emperor of your mind. It get’s easier to apply this when you have faith in yourself, and keep practicing this.  So have a go, next time when your heart is ‘aching’

[Tweet “Take control, “Be the emperor of your own world” #SophiaWorldWisdom”]

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See the poster below:

Which religion do you believe in?

Religion is not usually a topic that I would write about, but I was asked my thoughts on this by one of my readers.  So here it is Shana, religion – one of the dinner table discussion taboos! In terms of religion, I grew up in a family where the faith system was based on Christianity. My parents’ attitude was to incorporate the core principles into our daily lives, like showing kindness and understanding to others. But they were very liberal in how we practised our faith system. Practising faith was more about believing and knowing that in your heart you connected to God. As my mum once said, being of faith did not mean that you had to visit a church. So this gave me space to make my own discoveries and even look at other faith systems.

“The root is the same” 

World Relgions Icons, symbolsI have also been curious about religion and spirituality, especially as I grew up in a multicultural neighbourhood. To me it was a bonus; I would not only be exploring the different faiths but also different cultures. There was even a time, when I would sometimes attend a meet up of women who followed Islam. In this group it was not only talking about religion, but the everyday ‘universal’ topics that came up, and how to deal with them in a positive way. From visiting these different worlds, it brought not only a deeper understanding of people, but also awareness of how we are the same.  In the core religions, you can see similarities. For example lets look at the concept of peace:  “Peace be with me”; and “Peace be upon him” respectively in Christianity and Islam. Here, we can also see another theme, the theme of love. This is why it is sad when you see in the news, stories about a group of people, usually in a minority, who justify doing something unloving, in the name of religion.

“There is a separatism epidemic”

If you switch on the news recently, you will see how there are wars going on.  We see this with the continued conflict between Israel and Palestine. We see it with Ukraine and Russia. We see this also in Syria. There are of course wars going on in other areas. One may argue that there has been different wars’ going on from the beginning of time. Yes, historical there has been battles, sometimes in the name of religion; and other times it was about acquiring more land.  Often the conflict can be the result of one group, seeing themselves differently from another. Yes, there are many different tribes, cultures and groups. Yes, we may identify with a specific background more than the general population. But one similarity is that we are members of the Universe! We have desires, hopes, visions, love; and the need to feel connected. Talking about connection, sometimes it is evident that there is a big disconnection. I see this when reading the latest news articles, where a person born into a Western society, decides to join a terrorist cell, then later comes back to their birth country and decides to kill fellow human beings. Yes, this is a big subject as we can discuss issues like countries invading other countries, believing that there should ‘impose’ upon another what their definition of a ‘civilisation’ is. Thus there can be political elements, as well as emotional wellbeing – mental health. But this can be something to think about and leave for another dinner table discussion. Can you however, see the main thread here, that there is an element of ‘separatism. People not realising that we are in fact one. We are not separate from other people, regardless of race, religion, and spiritual beliefs; which neighbourhood we may have grown up in.

 

“I believe in a religion called love”

IMG_20141007_230133A couple of months ago, I attended a talk by the lovely and inspirational soul, Marianne Williamson. During that night, both her and the audience who were present, reminded me of how we are in fact ‘one’. I needed this reminded, as I was sinking into the ‘separatism’ mode. There was a fellow human being who stood up and shared with us, how he was being alienated by both his family and friends. His religious background originally is Judaism. The nutshell of his story was that when he spoke up about how he was not in agreement about how people of another faith was being treated, his family were not happy. It was from this, I realised that I was taking sides too, “saying I do not like a group of people because the way they were treating other people”. I was too acting as a ‘separatist’; as I almost forgot that we are all from love.

In answer to the question, which religion do I believe in?  I believe in a religion called love. We start off from love, which is the core. So to love your self, recognise love in others and also see how it manifests into the world. For example in objects like art.

Tweetable:

[Tweet “Love loves love”]

Question: Which religion do you believe in?

The House of Fear

There is an epidemic going about. It begins with the letter ‘F’, fear. In the world we live in, change is inevitable. There are always new things to learn and discoveries. We have seen this with some of the great inventions, from the steam trains to the World Wide Web. As habitual creatures, this can cause some discomfort at first, as we do not know what to expect. How it is going to impact our lives. We will lose our jobs? The ailment of FEAR (False Evidence Appearing Real) may set in.

 

Going back to the context of careers and business opportunity, this can sometimes stall progression. It can be making a change, making a movement. Examples are: investing in oneself, investing in a new business, or transitioning into a new career. Questions to ask yourself, next time you feel the fear setting in. What is the end goal? How will it lift and expand your life? This is one thing to get you going. It just takes one first step. Don’t let this thing called fear, which is not real stop you. Here is a challenge, imagine that there is a house of fear at the bottom of your street. Imagine entering the house and there are different rooms to enter, which contains a fear. Visualise opening the door and discovering that the fear is not real; how it was your mind playing tricks. Do you feel much lighter?

I love to hear your thoughts on how the house of fear challenge went. Please share your response in comments.

Mr Spectator

At the beginning of this week, in the world of celebrity, there has been a lot buzz around the recent marriage of pop star Cheryl Fernandez-Versini (formerly known as Cheryl Cole). You may be thinking, why I am opening with a news story about celebrity and marriage. I’m talking about this, as it is an everyday like topic. And in this world, people like to talk about what others are up to – sometimes referred to as gossip. Secondly, love and romance is one of those popular topics as it touches upon the universal religion of love.

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“I do not know Cheryl”

I do not know Cheryl Fernandez-Versini personally, like a lot of the people commenting on her recent marriage. But found it interesting some of the negative comments suggesting that it was a ‘fools rush in’ type of romance, as she allegedly met her now husband in May of this year. Usually, I choose not to participate in this, especially as it is not a constructive use of my energy. Who am I to judge, anyway? Maybe I should retract the last sentence, as it is very human to look at an object, situation and person; and make a judgement. Judgements can easily be made on an outer appearance.  For example, the rude waitress at the restaurant whom you may assume must not get enough love and action at home. So we can all do that. But how about trying to put more of a positive spin on things?

 

Positive Spin

As I begin this next section, I can imagine that there are going to be a combination of people reading this. To be more specific, some of the following Mr Men characters:

 

Mr Chatterbox

Mr Happy

Mr Grumble

Little Miss Wise

Mr Cheerful

Mr Jelly

Little Miss Star

Mr Brave

Mr Worry

Mr Nosey

 

There are many more characters but I will take a pause here. You will see from the above that there are many people with different characteristics, experiences that will have an impact on how they choose to see things. The character Mr Happy, will probably of heard the news and said, “good for Cheryl, finding love and getting married”. Mr Worry may instead of taking a different stance, thinking about the why it may not work out. Coming from fear based thoughts. This now takes me to thoughts and being aware of whether your thoughts are: 1) true 2) constructive 3) helpful and 4) positive. Why is this important? It is important since you cannot escape from your thoughts. How you feel will have an impact on your body, how you interact with the world, and how the world interacts with you. Question: Do you want to feel happier and healthier? And, no I am not following with an infomercial.

 

 

Throwing rotten tomatoes

[Tweet “Question, do you want to be that spectator throwing rotten tomatoes? Be conscious of your thoughts, have loving thoughts #SophiaWorldWisdom”]

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Going back to celebrity watching, these days we are spoilt with the amount of mediums where we can find out the latest story. Be entertained. You can argue that this has been going on for a long time. In times gone by there were public punishments, humiliation and executions. Let’s take the throwing of rotten vegetables. It was not very nice for recipient, but may have been entertaining for some of the audience. Is this how you want to be?  At this point you may want to ask yourself, “Why am I choosing to participate in this?” Some of the common answers to this question may be:

 

  • It is entertaining.
  • I want some escapism.
  • The celebrities have signed up to be public.
  • It makes me feel better about my life.

 

 

Taking the last sentence, we can spin this. Yes, it is good to see people vulnerabilities, as this is part of what makes us human. So in Cheryl’s case you may say that this is a person who seems to have gone through some love battles, but all she is looking for is connecting further to love in a relationship. Some relationships will last a long time, whilst others may be shorter but there is always something to be gained. A bit like the soul mate argument, whereby a person may only meant to be there for the part of your journey. Does this spin make you feel better then coming from the mindset, “That will not last. That’s heading for heartbreak” Question: did that last sentence feel more heavy, rather than light?

 

 

The Spectator

 

So next time when you decide to comment on a person in the public arena, what will be your thoughts? Negative, positive, or constructive? Do you want to [really] be throwing rotten tomatoes?

 

 

Maya Angelou – let’s celebrate interconnectness

This afternoon, I heard the news that Maya Angelou has died. Although I did not know her personally, it was sad to hear this news. I loved that she was also a fellow artist: being an author and poet. I remembered watching some of her interviews, which were with Oprah Winfrey. She lived an interesting life, which in some parts people may have been described as tragic. I admired how she seemed to have lived, experienced, observed and always took some positive insight that she would share. Some of these later became inspirational quotes that people share via online posters.

 

Upon hearing the news of Maya Angelou’s passing, I started to read some obituaries on her. This was interesting as a few months prior, I was looking at her profile online. I think I read an article about her involvement in Civil Rights, and felt compelled to do some background reading, which also included learning about her time spent in Ghana too. I then went to my pinterest account to look up some of her quotes, I came across the following which stood out:

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“We are alike”

What was poignant about these words is how she expresses that all of us go through our different challenges; and how we are not alone – we are alike. This is so true! I have an interest in mindset and love. I started writing a book on love that got put on pause. This was due partly at the time to realising that I needed to understand love more. On my journey into exploration, a theme that kept popping up was  ‘separation’; how it does not exist with love. People may feel separated or divided due to sex, faith, gender, religion, race, money, social background and many more.

[Tweet “Separation does not exist in love #SophiaWorldWisdom”]

So often, people feel disconnected, lost, or alone; and this could be because they see themselves as being in it, on their own. They may have experienced some pain or trauma at some time. But pain is something that is natural, like the “bee” sting.  Hopefully if we are not seriously allergic then we will recover. If we did not know how to treat the sting, there will be a person who knows how to deal with it. They may even have experienced a similar sting.

[Tweet “Pain is like a bee sting, that is a natural process of life #SophiaWorld”]

“Please reach out and smile”

We are not alone. There will always be someone there who will listen with an open heart. It may be someone who you know that you can email, or pick the phone up and call. It can be a person online who at first may appear to be a stranger.

I like to close with the following Maya Angelou quote:

 

“Open your eyes to the beauty around you,

Open your mind to the wonders of life,

Open your heart to those who love you,

And always be true to yourself”

 

May you rest in peace Maya Angelou <3

 

 

 

 

Are you fired up?

What is it that keeps you going? What is it that gives you fire in your stomach to start something new? What gets you so excited that you want to jump up and down?

 

A good question to ask always is: how are you feeling?

 

A pause from questioning, you may be wondering what’s with all the questions.  Or, if you are a regular reader of my work you may think this is typical me. After all, I am inquisitive  – the more polite form of nosey. There is nothing wrong with being interested, taking an interest in something, or gaining interest on your asset.  I was inspired to write this after having an awesome conversation with a fellow coach. By the way it is good to talk to someone else sometimes about your vision: it being a friend, a mentor, or a coach. After the conversation I felt fired up. Feeling that I should be pushing forward. I then asked myself, how am I feeling at this moment? What are the emotions?  I will share some here:

 

“Wow, life is wonderful with its endless possibilities”,

 

“Is that not freedom, doing what you love doing without any limits”’ and

 

“And I’m feeling good!”

 

You will notice with some of the ones that I shared there is a hint of excitement. I feel that there needs to be an element of excitement and passion in what you do. Often we forget about how we are feeling. This is important as you can have a possession, a career, a relationship and a lifestyle but how does it light up your soul?

 

What makes you feel full?

 

Often people wish for things: more money, a new car, a new love relationship and they can attract this into this life with ease. They may even feel a sense of euphoria at first, as they have acquired that thing.  They can now touch it, see it and feel it. But then this may dissipate after a while, as those earlier feelings that they experienced were temporary; not ones that can be held on to for a longer period of time.  This is why it is important to also attach how you want to feel, along with those acquisitions.  Otherwise the feeling of emptiness will occur. Has this happened to you, when you finally got it and like “well… what shall I do now?”

 [Tweet “@sophiaworld Soulful is more fulfilling #SophiaWorldWisdom”]

When I think of the soul, I think of that part of me that cannot be seen to the visible eye. It is the inner energy, my heart; and I. Without these I will not be whole.  As body and mind are interconnected, especially in this Universal plane.  That is why is it so important not to forget about that inner part, the fire that gives us energy to keep us going, and focused on our goals.

Here is an exercise for you to do:

 

  • What does happy and excited mean for you?
  • How do you want to feel? Write it down.

Next time you plan to acquire something new, or achieve a goal do this exercise.  And put the list alongside your goals, as this is where it begins, starting with what fires you up.

 

Would you like to be find out more about the GoGetterMe 1-2-1 coaching. Please contact me to find out more.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sorry

 

“Je regrette,” “je suis désolé”, “My dearest regrets”, “I’m so sorry to hear that…” and “Unfortunately”. You may wonder what is with all the regret and being sorry; and why I have it expressed in French.  In answer to the first, the word sorry can sometimes be over-used. And for the second, why I expressed it in French was that I wanted to add some colour and drama to the opening. This is not to necessarily imply that I find the French language dramatic. I actually love the language and would like to revisit it one day and become fluent.

 

“I’m sorry”

Now back to “I’m sorry”. I recently reprimanded a friend on how she liked to sometimes over use the following expression, “I am so sorry to hear that”.  I think when hearing how something may not have gone well, there must have been a button in her brain which automatically replays that sentence, which is full of sorrow or regret. Why did I pull her up on this? It was because I felt that it was not useful to both her, and to the receiver. I am not trying to convey here, that it is bad to express condolences or disappoint. But how we can sometimes automate a response without really thinking why we are expressing it due to conditioning. Conditions or rules do not always need to be followed.  It is like what Oprah Winfrey said once when she was talking about the law of attraction, how it was one way. To clarify here, she was saying that there are many practices that can be applied. By using one practice, it did not necessarily mean that it was always the one that needed to be applied.

 

Is it sorrow?

When faced with an experience, which is somewhat emotional, it may be difficult to accept or understand why it is occurring.  But there is always something to be gained. I talked about this in the present. I believe that we should be careful where we focus our energy. As where your attention goes, the energy will flow. Back in 2009, my house burnt down and my car was written off within a short space of time. I was fine and survived both of these events. At the time one person made the comment: “I’m so sorry to hear about your flow of bad luck”. I remember thinking I was not looking for sorrow. I did not feel sorry for myself. I felt that I had a lot to look forward too. I had a good contract job, and I was studying for a teaching qualification. Maybe with these elements going on in my life, I believed that life was good and abundant.  By this person implying that I was unlucky, I could not connect with it.

 

Allowing the flow

You may question here, what about the instances were you cannot see the positives? This is a good question; and follows on from the previous section on how we focus. We live in a society where if we are experiencing pain, the preferred method is to mask it up. Take the painkiller. The painkiller may numb the toothache; but the tooth will still be infected. If we take the antibiotics or wait for our immune system to kick in then the body will repair and restore itself.  This process reminds me of ‘allowing the flow’.

[Tweet “”If we allow flow, then we are enabling natural order ” #SophiaWorld #BeHappy”]

 

Going back to when you are experiencing a situation that may feel painful, how do you respond? Do you try to numb it and pretend that it is not there? Or do you box up, whatever emotions that are there and leave it parked up – ready to burst out expectantly one day?  If answer to one of the following scenarios was yes, was it because you did not want to feel sorry for yourself. Was it that you were programmed to feel that you were not ‘allowed’ to focus on what appeared to be bad, but instead be instantly happy? This is one of my concerns about expressing ‘sorrow’, as from one angle it is saying: “I’m sorry for hearing that you are going through the flow of the experience”. And is it not natural – a flow, the menstrual flow for instance? Did that last part of the previous illustration make you uncomfortable? Maybe this is a good thing as it took you out of a comfort zone, and made you focus on what is. This same principle can be applied to life situations were you are not feeling too good. You may have heard the expression:

 

 “That which does not kill us makes us stronger”

 

Friedrich Nietzsche

 

Going back to that year where my house burnt down, and next my car was written off in an accident, I did not feel sorry. I pushed forward and not only passed my teaching qualifications, but got top marks.

 

So next time when you feel that you are not being a dealt a good set of cards, question: Are you going to focus on sorry?

I got 99 problems – finding simplicity

For some of you whom are familiar with the artist and entrepreneur Jay-Z, AKA Mr Carter, you may have heard of his song title, “99 problems”.  In this he describes his experience of being pulled over by the police due to racial profiling and discrimination. I will not go further with the story here, but if you want to listen to the song, click on the YouTube click below:

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwoM5fLITfk&feature=kp

 “You have more problems in your life, than a person with more responsibilities”

In my life so far, as I have moved with the flow of time, I have encountered different challenges from dealing with my everyday basic needs to the conflicts in relationships. As a result, I had times when I felt stressed or defeated. On one occasion, a friend who has two children made the statement, “You have more problems than people who had family responsibilities”. She was not saying that my issues were less important because there were other people, who had to weigh in their other responsibilities. She was asking me, why did I perceive myself to have complications. 

 

Tweetable:

[Tweet “@sophiaworld “Do you think that you have 99 problems? #ThatsTheQuestion””]

 “Life does not have to be complicated”

So this statement poised by my friend made me question whether I was making my life complicated. This was interesting one as when I used to work in the corporate arena, where there would be month-end deadlines to achieve, even if it meant working up to 12 in the morning; I would often say: “If something was taking too long or complicated; then there was an issue with the process”. So why was I not taking this over to my personal life?  I’ve forgotten about simplicity.

Tweetable:

[Tweet “@sophiaworld “Life was complicated, but then it became simple” #BeHappy”]

We often like to complicate things.  I find that young persons, not to generalize, are very wise. They see things as they are and they tend not to complicate things. I think as we get older and information is fed to us; and we become sensitive to social conditions, we often get suspicious of something being easy.  So we then have a tendency to make things complicated. Things do not have to be complicated, even Steve Jobs, one of my favourite innovators of all time said this:

 

“That’s been one of my mantras — focus and simplicity. Simple can be harder than complex: You have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple. But it’s worth it in the end because once you get there, you can move mountains.”

 

How do you make life semplicità [or simple]?

 

  1. Get clarity in what you want. This is not what you ‘should’ want, as this is implying that it is based on what others may want: husband, friend, colleague and the world at large. Did you understand the last point, how you need to want it from within.
  2. Do not worry about what others may think. The raw truth is that you come into this world on your own, and you leave on your own. So why not live your life instead of living someone else’s life?
  3. What is important to you? This is where you prioritise what matters to you. To make this easy take a look at your ‘wheel of life’.  This circle is divided into sections representing: Physical Environment; Business/Career; Finances; Health; Family & Friends; Romance; Personal Growth; and Fun & Recreation. Please take a look at the image below. Often you may think that you want something, but may realize that something else is more important. For example instead of chasing after the next promotion or launching a new business, you may want to have your first child. There is nothing wrong with this, as this is what your heart is calling out for 
  4. Be Happy – Do things that make you happy. First define what is that you want to be doing. Then start to look at the emotions, of what does happy feel like and taste like. Get your free copy of my Be Happy book here, if you have not got your copy already.
  5. Make a plan. This does not have to start off in written form.

 

Have some faith that it is going to be fine. Often we worry too much about things working out well, and it always works out for the best once you believe in what you are doing. Here’s is one of my favourite quotes from Louise Hay:

 

All is well.

Everything is working out for my highest good.

Out of this situation only good will come.

I am safe”

 

Question: how are you going back to simplicity?